so much has changed

It has literally been years since I have blogged and so much has changed! My boys are big...like really big! I have a 16, almost 17 year old! How can that even be? He is driving! He is working! He is a Jr! My other boy is officially a teenager! He likes to golf! He loves Minecraft! He is in Jr. High! I don't know how they have aged but I haven't!! It's a wonder, really! We had a lot of fun adventures this past year. We started the year off by going to Washington DC for the inauguration of Donald J. Trump. We put in for tickets not expecting to get them, but it was definitely an experience that I never thought I wanted to have! It was so packed that we literally stood with no room between us for hours and hours! It was such a great experience, though, I think I would do it again if the opportunity presents itself. I have always been patriotic. I have so many family members that have been or are currently serving in the military, how can I not be? I love my country. I believe that we are blessed to be living in America and too stand in DC, with famous landmarks all around us, and watch the current president being sworn in, was just amazing. We also visited New York City. It was just a little day trip, but so much fun! We took the kids in 2016 and did all of the touristy stuff...the Statue of Liberty, Rockefeller Plaza and the Today show, World Trade Towers memorial and the Freedom Tower and of course Times Square. This time we just went and walked around, saw the sights and took city life in. I realize every time I'm in the city, that I am a country girl! I enjoy taking a day or two to live the city life, but my heart belongs more in the country! I like living an hour away from the city and being able to go whenever we want, but still living where it's quiet! Jason and I have gotten to spend some quality time together with no kids. We celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary by going to Vegas. I have never been that far away from our boys, but man it was a good time. We stayed in the Trump Hotel, which was cool since we were at his inauguration, and then we walked the strip, visited the casinos and took each other and Vegas in! Then we were able to visit Boston just a couple weeks ago. We visited the JFK presidential library, the New England aquarium and we walked the Freedom Trail. Boston was a beautiful city. The buildings were so gorgeous...so much history in that city. And if those trips weren't enough time together, Jason has been unemployed for the last 2 months, so he has been home with me almost every day and I have loved every minute of it! I guess technically he has still been employed by Walmart (until today), but he just didn't have to show up to work! Who wouldn't want THAT job?! Ha! He is still exploring his employment options at this point, but God has worked in every detail of this phase of our lives and we continue to trust that He will open all the right doors.

I think that's all I'm gonna write about for now! I'm gonna vow to try and keep up with this a little better than I have in the past! But until next time.....

take the time to be silly

Yesterday was that day! Yesterday was the day that I stopped and let all the other responsibilities and cares of the day just vanish. Before my boys headed off to school, I declared that last night was going to be silly hat night! We had never done anything like this before so the question out of their mouth was, "Are you serious?". Totally!! They had to come up with an idea, create their silly hat, while keeping it as much a secret as possible, and then wear it to dinner. When they realized that we were really doing this, the look on their faces was absolutely priceless!! While they were at school I ran all of my errands early so I could get home and work on my hat...see, it wasn't just the boys that had to creat a hat!! The whole time I was working on my silly hat, I was smiling. Smiling because I was remembering their reaction to the declaration, smiling because I was thinking about them making their hats, smiling because it was fun and smiling because I couldn't wait for my 2 joys to get home! All I could think about was spending this time being silly with them! All I wanted them to know last night, was that they are important to me. That being with them is fun and that this is home...a place of security, encouragement, laughter, fun and love! This is our home! As I worked with each of them on their hats, I looked at them with a new, found love. My boys are growing up right in front of my eyes and yesterday, I stopped. I looked. I admired. I listened. I watched in pure admiration of the young men my babies are becoming. I watched with tears as those boys sat in front of me creating something, so silly, and yet so important to them. I watched as they put their minds to work creating something that was unique to each of them...it was their own! When all the hats were completed, they were placed in their hiding places with gentle care until the big unveiling! It was FINALLY time for dinner and time to place our creations on our heads! The pure joy and excitement over this last minute declaration of silly hat night was something that I don't want to forget! We all went and got on our hats and came to the table...oh, I wish I could have captured that moment of pure happiness. That moment of not having a care in the world. That moment of my boys having fun and being silly! We enjoyed our night. We enjoyed watching each other try and keep our hats on our heads while we ate. We enjoyed watching all the glitter from Mama's hat fall in her food. We enjoyed being together and being silly!! Last night, the boys voted that this was to be a once a month activity. I know that this won't last forever, but I am going to cherish it forever!! Take time to be silly with your kids. Take time to make memories. Look at your kids like you have never looked at them before. Enjoy your kids...they won't be little forever.

Boys, I can't express enough how much I love you. I know that I am not perfect and that I mess up. I know that there are times when I nag or yell or complain. I know that there is always room for improvement! But what I want YOU to know, is that my love for the 2 of you is forever! You bring me so much joy! I'm so thankful that you are the precious gifts that God gave to me and your Daddy! I love you both so very much!

it's a dad's life

I had planned on blogging on Father's Day, but we had a busy day and I never got around to it! We enjoyed spending the day as a family...went to church, had lunch, loaded up the bikes in the car and went to the park and got POURED on and then we came home and watched Star Wars!! It was a great day! It does this Mama's heart good to see my boys with their Daddy! I love them all!!

And to my Dad, I love you and am thankful for the role that you played in my life growing up, but even more for the role that you play in my life now! I look up to you and respect you so very much and I couldn't be more blessed!! I love you and hope that you, too, had a great Father's Day!

This video is pretty funny, so enjoy:

i love creative punishments

I was looking for a new and creative way to "lay down the law" this summer and this is what we came up with! Now, I know that I may have some people who disagree with my methods because as I was doing some research the feelings were mixed. "Fun" and "Punishment" shouldn't be used in the same sentence and then there was the other side that thought it was a great way to make sure that rules were being followed. As a mom, I'm going to do what I think works for my family! I am guilty of telling my boys that if they do something again, they would be grounded, but then I forget that I told them that the LAST time and they get away with it AGAIN!! Anyone else guilty of that very thing?! I have decided that I'm tired of yelling at them for the same things! The "crimes" that were listed are the main things that we are having problems with and they are the things that the boys wanted to see the other punished for. I want to enforce the rules that our family has, but I don't want to constantly be yelling at them! I'm going to see how this works and I'll let you know in a few weeks!

how great is our god

3 1/2 years ago, I sat in a chair listening to "How Great is Our God" being sung and I couldn't help but question that very thing. I sat there looking at my brother's casket, wondering how a God that loves us so much, would allow such grief to come to our family...again.

I was an 11 year old, little girl when my daddy was murdered and taken from me. I remember when my daddy was killed and the loss that I felt. I remember being so sad. I remember the questions that were never answered. I remember being scared, scared of everything. Scared that if my mom ever left my side, she may not come back either. Scared of the dark. Scared of people. Just scared. But, I did have my mom and I leaned on her strength. She was strong. She held our family together. She reminded us that God still loved us and was going to take care of us.

And then, here we were again, sitting in the midst of grief, saying goodbye to my precious, little brother. My little brother who had his whole life ahead of him and now he was gone. When Aaron died, I began to question God and His love. I felt abandoned by Him and was angry with Him. I was mad at Him for putting my parents through a grief that no parent should ever have to face. I was mad at Aaron for giving up on life. I went for quite a few months just being mad and I gave up on God. We didn't talk for months and then I finally realized that God was bigger than me. He could take my temper tantrum. He could take me pounding my fists at Him. I layed it all out for Him and that was when the healing began.

I knew that I would see my sweet brother again and I slowly began feeling a peace that only He is capable of delivering! My heart was still aching for me and for my kids for my other siblings and especially for my parents, but I knew that I was feeling His arms, ever so gently, wrapping themselves around me. God never promised days without pain or laughter without sorrow, but He did promise strength for the day and comfort for the tears. I opened my heart back up to Him, asked for His forgiveness and I saw Him for who He truly is!

For a long time, I struggled even hearing that song because it reminded me that my brother was no longer here and it took me back to the day of his funeral. I didn't sing it because I was angry and questioning how "great" He really was. Now, I get choked up because I truly see His Majesty and I am overwhelmed at His love for me! I am humbled! Today at church, while the congregation was singing, I was remembering a picture. The day of Aaron's funeral, I remember looking over at my mom, tears in her eyes and hands raised towards heaven, singing those very words...the picture of strength. I saw God holding her up that day and even when I thought God was so far away, there He was, supporting and loving us all the whole time! By the grace of God, I sang a few lines from that song today and I felt His love just wash over me! Thank you, Father, for Your love and comfort and blessings each day!


"How Great Is Our God"

The splendor of a King, clothed in majesty
Let all the earth rejoice
All the earth rejoice

He wraps himself in Light, and darkness tries to hide
And trembles at His voice
Trembles at His voice

How great is our God, sing with me
How great is our God, and all will see
How great, how great is our God

Age to age He stands
And time is in His hands
Beginning and the end
Beginning and the end

The Godhead Three in One
Father Spirit Son
The Lion and the Lamb
The Lion and the Lamb

Name above all names
Worthy of our praise
My heart will sing
How great is our God

How great is our God, sing with me
How great is our God, and all will see
How great, how great is our God

valentine's day 2000

It is amazing what you come across when cleaning out the "junk" drawer! You know, that drawer that has a little bit of EVERYTHING in it and yet you can't find ANYTHING? Please tell me that you have a drawer like that?! Anyway, I had sent an email out recalling the chaos that was Valentine's Day...and this was BEFORE kids!! Enjoy...

February 14, 2000

I had to tell you about my V-day experience!! I figured I would make it a special night since I was going to be home all day! Last week I bought a chocolate cake and the stuff to make butter icing. I thought that would be nice!

Well, today I got up and cleaned the whole house...and I mean clean!! Mopped the kitchen floor, put down the vanilla scented floor stuff that you vacuum up and I sprayed the glade air freshener throughout the house. It smelled REALLY good when I walked in the house. How do I know? Let me tell you!

After I finished cleaning and got done getting my shower and getting dressed, I thought I would start the cake. No prob! I pulled out the box and see that I picked up a box of brownies! That's good and all, but I know Jason wanted a chocolate cake! Alright, I'm already dressed, I can run out and get a box of cake. I ran to Walmart and got this butter recipe cake...looked pretty good!

When I walked in the house, I smelled vanilla and a little bit of apple cinnamon glade spray! Mmmmmmm!! I begin to bake the cake. I've made dozens of cakes before so this was easy. To make it even more special, I got out the heart shaped cake pan that I used last year!

I stick the cake in the oven and let it cook. I came in and checked my email, folded some laundry and then all of a sudden I smell something burning! I run to the oven to see what is happening and the cake mix is RUNNING over the sides of the pan and is now black and burning on the bottom of my oven. I put on the oven fan and stand there for a little. The smoke is just POURING out of the oven. The next thing I know...the cake mix that spilled over the side of the oven is now in FLAMES!!! I don't mean little flames either! I grab the fire extinguisher, hesitating, because I don't want to mess up my cake! The next thing I know the smoke detector begins to go off ~ and why wouldn't it?! My house is FULL of smoke! I open the back door and the front door and set up the fan to blow the smoke AWAY from the detector! In the meantime, the flames had gone out and it looked like I was cooking on the grill with the hot charcoals at the bottom! The house continues to fill up with smoke...the smoke detector is STILL going off...the cake mix is STILL pouring over the pan and here is Sadie in her cage not having a clue what was going on (Sadie was our white lab).

Once I got things under control, or so I thought, I go to get Sadie out of her cage and she is just shaking! I reach in to get her and realize that she was sooo scared that she wet in her cage and the new bed we just got her!! I put her outside and I get the bed in the washer. No biggie! I bring her back in the smoke-filled house to try and settle her down. The timer goes off for the "cake", so I stick her back in her cage so I can get it out of the oven. I went and took some extra strength Tylenol and let the cake cool for 15 minutes before I get it out of the burnt cake mix covered pan! 15 minutes is up and I go to dump the cake out, but only 1/2 comes out! The other 1/2 is stuck in the greased, heart shaped cake pan! Whatever!! So, now I have to figure out how in the world I am going to ice this cake! The crusty part that is usually on the cake is still in the pan! I have this dilapidated, crumbly looking heart (I think!) shaped cake sitting on a plate! How 'bout those brownies?! And I am going to try and cook something new for dinner?! "Jason, how does Dominoes and brownies sound?"

Needless to say...my house smells like a big BBQ pit, Sadie hasn't MOVED all afternoon, my ears are ringing and Jason will be home in 2 hours!!

Happy Valentine's Day!!



I told this story to the boys a long time ago and since then, they are always wanting me to tell them about the day my cake caught on fire!! By the way, I ended up throwing my heart shaped cake pan away...it wasn't worth it!!

I hope you enjoyed my version of a Valentine's Day from long ago!!

This is Sadie!

my "tween"

Tween ~ that word used to be a thing of the past, my past! That awkward, growing up time when things that I could get away with as a kid, were no longer acceptable and things that used to be funny, were now no longer funny. That awkward time when I knew I wasn't a "kid", but I wasn't a teenager or an adult either. Where did I fit in?

That past is now a thing of my present. Not my present, but my Dylan's. This was a year of change for Dylan and it was hard, as a Mama, seeing him struggle to find his place. School was different, his friendships changed and his relationships at home were changing. I saw him struggle with kids that used to be his friends, now being mean to him. I saw his interests change. Now, that doesn't seem like a big deal, but Dylan is like his Daddy when it comes to technology and computers and there aren't too many kids his age interested in those things. Explain to a 4th grader that not everyone is going to like him and that he isn't going to please everyone. That's a tough one, especially since my Dylan is a people-pleaser and likes to have the admiration that comes from making people happy. He is not that different from the rest of us...if we were all honest with ourselves, we would admit how much we like a pat on the back from a friend or a co-worker! We have been stressing to him how we need to forget about the praise of men and seek the applause of our Heavenly Father! That's a hard one, even as adults! Another verse that we have really been concentrating on this year was Psalm 139:14 and I love this version (International Children's Bible): "I praise you because you made me in an amazing and wonderful way. What you have done is wonderful. I know this very well." I love that!! Who doesn't want to hear that they are special and amazing and wonderful? God says that is how He made us! It's not easy being made fun of or being teased or feeling like you don't fit in...it's hard growing up, let's face it! I'm thankful that I can encourage my "tween" with promises from God about how special he is! Jeremiah 29:11 promises my Dylan that He has great plans for him. Plans to prosper and not harm. Plans to give him hope and a future! I have an amazing kid and I can't believe how lucky I am to have the chance to teach him. It is alot of responsibility knowing that it's my job (Jason's too!) to train him up in the way that he should go! The Bible tells me that if I do this, that when he is grown he will not turn from that. I'm praying that I do the best that I can as his Mama and then I'm leaving it in God's hands to do the rest! Being a parent is hard work!

The fact that Dylan is a "tween" really hit me in the face the other day when we went to the library to sign up for the summer reading program and he decided to sign up for the tween/teen program! Zachary was all signed up and ready to go! He has to read, or have read to him, 15 books and then when he fills up his sheet he gets to pick a prize that, most likely, will end up in the trash in a week, but it's his prize nonetheless! Dylan would have had to read 4 hours to fill his sheet and then he would be able to pick from the same prizes that Zachary was picking from! Instead, he decided to go for the 5 hours and his name in a drawing for a cool weekly prize (he has his eye on a $10 iTunes card!). After the library, he was given his first "job"!! He has been wanting to volunteer for a few years, but the requirement is 13 years old to be considered "crew", so he is unofficially volunteering each Wednesday helping with crafts! He was so excited that he came home and started working on his name tag to print and wear on the days that he helps out! He thinks he is hot stuff!

It does my heart good when I see him thriving and happy! As hard as the year was for him, he has come out on top and he is going to be fine. He is a great kid and God is going to use him in a BIG way! I love my firstborn!

disappointment

I think that I somehow lost the month of May! Has that ever happened to you? I look on my calendar and I see that it was there, I see that I marked off each day but I just don't remember it! I guess I was just so excited for June and the school year coming to an end...and now it has!

Yesterday was the last day of school and how excited we were...I know I was! I should have known when the kids got up and were grumpy as all get out that something was going to happen and that it might not be good! I had it all planned: I would pick the kids up from school with "School's Out for Summer" all q'd up and ready to play, we'd come home and hang out for a bit, have pizza for dinner while watching the first America's Got Talent of the season and then we were going to meet up with friends for ice cream! It all SOUNDED so good! Picked the kids up and so far, so good. We get home and everything just fell apart! The grumpiness from the morning just continued...we had attitude, we had fighting, we had tears, we had it all and this was NOT what I had signed up for! Needless to say, my dear husband's famous saying, "Disappointment is caused by unmet expectations" came true. I had expected the day to be wonderful and filled with excitement and we were all going to get along and we were gonna have fun and it was gonna be great! I expected too much, therefore, I was a little disappointed! We are gonna start over! We are gonna have to figure out how the boys are going to get along this summer, which may be difficult since we just put them in the same room (what was I thinking?!).

Anyway, it is a new day and it is the start of summer. I am most looking forward to the carefree days and evenings. The thing I love the most is not having to put dinner on the table at exactly 5 since Zachary has to go to bed at 7! I love the idea of not packing lunches everyday! I love sleeping in...even till 7! I love staying up late reading or watching movies. I love not having a schedule, for the most part! THAT is why I love the summer...I can do without the heat!! Give me 70 degree temps all summer and I'd be great!!

We have a 1st grader and a 5th grader!

my GOD shall supply all our needs

I have been frustrated with this blog because I forget how I got it set up and now I can't change anything!! In fact, it had been so long since my last entry that they even removed some of my cool stuff I had! Writing doesn't come easily to me so it isn't a quick entry when I sit at the computer to blog! I have to put so much thought into making it all sound good...making it all sound proper...making it all enjoyable! Today, I'm still trying to figure out how to make the changes to my blog, the words still don't come naturally, but I'm putting all that on the back burner for now and I'm going to just share my heart!

For some reason, today was emotional for me. So much transpired this weekend and I sat today thinking about my God! Let me start at the beginning: As most of you know, our van broke down on Friday on the way home from a Dr's appointment in Akron with Zachary. To make a looonnnnggg story short, we have been dealing with "tummy" problems for about 5 years now. Last April we went to a Gastroenterologist and things had seemed to be going pretty good until January and February. We ran into a few "snags" and felt that we needed to get a second opinion for our little guy. We took him in March and the Dr ordered some blood work: blood work for allergies to milk, soy, wheat, celiacs disease, chrones disease and more. We had the blood work done and when we went last Friday for the results, everything was GREAT! No allergies, no scary diseases, just good news...you would think! We got good news and yet we still have a problem with no clear answers. We may be a step closer to our answer: strep! Yes, strep! We have to have him tested when he is healthy, but the Dr believes that Zachary may be a strep carrier and that is causing all of his problems! A simple strep test during one of his episodes, will give us our answer...if it is positive, then a dose of antibiotics till the infection is out of his system and we are good to go! Something that seems simple and yet took many doctors 5 years to figure this out and help us!! So much of our trust and faith is put in doctors and yet our thinking is so off! Our faith and trust needs to be placed in the Heavenly Father who created us and knows us! He knew what was "wrong" with Zachary even when no doctor did. I am so guilty of worrying about things that I can't control! Why do we do this? Why do we worry when there is nothing we can do to change the outcome of a situation? Because we are human! We had a message at church just a few weeks back and it was about worrying!! Man, how God made my heart sting during this message! He was really stepping on my toes and making me think about some things!

Ok, so back to this weekend! The van breaks down an hour from home (I am so thankful that Jason was with me because I get stressed when I have car trouble...and man, have we had our share of it with the van)! Anyway, we get a stinky, dirty tow truck to get us back to Ashland and we wait! We got a call on Monday morning that the engine was shot and it would cost us a ridiculous amount to fix it and all the other things that were wrong with it! Isn't that usually how these things go?! Being the "worry-er" that I am, I go into panic mode...what are we gonna do without a second car? No more trips to the East Coast to visit family, no having lunch with the kiddos at school, no just getting out of the house...and the list went on! I went into the second mode when I'm stressed ~ CLEANING!! Praying the whole time that God would supply our needs, but not totally believing He would! How many times has He provided for us in the past? How many times has He worked things out? How many times has He proven Himself to me? Oh so many times and yet I still doubted...just call me "Thomas"! I won't go into all the details, but I will say this, God provided in a big way...just like He always does! Trust Him! Cast your cares on HIM because He cares for you! God will supply all of our needs...and He did it again! Thank you, Father, for your faithfulness!

has it really been 5 months?

I can't even believe how long it has been since I've posted. So long that some of the cool little things I had decorating my blog are gone and I didn't even know it! I was looking at my kids notebooks that I write letters to them in and it has been 2 years since the last entry...I'm ashamed. I put off all I had to do today to write a long, overdue letter to my sweet boys. They are about to get off the bus, but my promise is that in the next few days, I will sit and blog. I'm afraid that when I sit and start, I might not get up for awhile!! Until then........

geocaching

Ok, so many of you might be asking, "What the heck is geo what?". That is the same reaction I had when I had heard about it!

I have a friend from high school that has posted pictures and updates about his geocaching days and I just blew it off. I guess I wasn't ready to learn about something that I didn't even know how to pronounce! Last Sunday, Jason got a text from our Pastor saying that they were going geocaching and wanted to know if we wanted to go with him and his kids. Because it was our anniversary, we declined telling him we would do it another day.

Let me tell you my version about what geocaching is! Basically, it is a high tech, worldwide treasure hunt. You get on the computer and search for sites near you or wherever you are going to be. It gives you the coordinates of the location and you then use a GPS to get there and try and find the cache! Once you get to the location, you have to look around for containers...all different kinds. Some are pill bottles, some are wood blocks with holes cut out, some are tupperware. They are filled with "swag", the term used for what is in these containers. When you find the container, you sign the log book that is included in the container and then you leave something of yours and take something out. One box we found was filled with gold coins, rings, bracelets and all kinds of little things. The thrill isn't in what is in the container, but in actually finding it!!

We signed up for our username (countsfamily4) on Saturday night and on our way to church on Sunday, we stopped for a little geocaching!! After church, the boys didn't even want lunch, they wanted to go geocaching...and so we did until 3!! It is something that the whole family can enjoy together! Jason had to work on Sunday so I am going to introduce him to it tomorrow...just me and him while the kids are in school!

If you have never heard about it, here is the website that will tell you a little more about it and if you have never done it, you really need to give it a try because it is really a lot of fun!! Who doesn't like a good treasure hunt?!

www.geocaching.com

This was our very first one - "Ain't No Calf"

"Look down and pull up"

"Treasure Upon Treasure"

"A Lonely Potato Out in the Woods" ~ I don't recommend doing this one in flip flops!!!

10-10-10

Last week Jason and I celebrated our 13th anniversary! I enjoy taking the time on that day to reflect on our wedding day and to remember the vows that we made to each other.

With divorce all around me, this year was even more special. My marriage isn't perfect and it has taken work, but the reward is so great! I love the relationship that my hubby and I have with each other! I look forward to spending time with him and this year we have had a lot of that! With both kids in school all day and his work schedule being anything from traditional, we have a lot of time with each other! I love just being next to him on the couch while he is watching tv and I'm reading a book! I love being beside him in the car with no arguments coming from the back seats! I love that he is my best friend! I am proud to have celebrated 13 years of marriage!

On our anniversary, Dylan was asking a lot of questions about how we met, if we liked each other, what we did when we went out on dates and all kinds of stuff! We enjoyed sharing with him our "back story", as he called it! It made me smile when Jason was talking about how we didn't like each other AT ALL when we first met and then how our relationship grew from then on! It did my heart good to take the time to think back to when things were easy in our relationship. To remember all of the reasons we fell in love. To remind us where we have come from and talk about where we want to go. I want our boys to see how much their Mama and Daddy love each other and how much we love them. We took the time on our anniversary, to share with them how important marriage is and how important it is to us that we keep the promise that we made to each other. Divorce is all around them at school and there have been times when the question of whether or not we would get divorced has come up. I want them to be confident in the unit we call "family". I don't want them to wonder if their Mama and Daddy will ever get divorced.

I know that so many marriages are hard and that things don't always turn out the way that was ever expected. I just know that I want to do whatever it takes to make my marriage work and to be together another 113 years!! I am honored to be Mrs. Jason Counts and I count it a privilege to be walking side by side with him on this journey!

I love you, Honey!

f~a~l~l

I love fall ~ need I say more?!

comments are welcome

I want some feedback! I would like to know what you think of this blog ~ what is your favorite thing? What has been your favorite post? What would you like to see more of? I wanna hear what you have to say!! If you are not signed up to follow this blog, do that now...well, right after you leave me a comment :)

W.O.F

Women of Faith ~ where do I even begin to share what an experience this is? I had never been to a W.O.F conference and last year I packed up and drove to Philly to see what it was about! I thought I was crazy to be doing this since they usually make it to Cleveland, Ohio the weekend after Philly...yes, only 1 hour away!!!! My mom had attended for a few years and then my sister started going and it wasn't long before they were both on me about going! You only have to attend once to know that this is a life-changing experience!

I really struggled with leaving this time. I was feeling guilty for leaving the kids only a few weeks into school, I was feeling bad that Jason had to take the time off from work to be with them the whole weekend, the cost of making the trip and I was just sad all the way around...not to mention extremely nervous about making that drive, by myself, in our very UNreliable van!! I know that Satan was doing everything he could to discourage me before I even got to W.O.F ~ he's like that ya know! I got the kids ready to go on Thursday and I got in the van ready to head out. Had to be strong for the kids, but I got in the van and cried! Cried about leaving my boys, cried because of nerves and the trip and cried because of the guilt I was feeling! I was so excited to be going and having this experience with my mom and sister again, but just feeling guilty!! Anyway...I made it to my sister's house with nothing exciting to speak of!!

The weekend was just as I expected ~ full of highs and lows, laughing and crying and just a roller coaster of emotions! As difficult as it is for me to orchestrate this whole trip, I absolutely LOVE sharing this experience with my mom and my sister! I am willing to make the sacrifice because it is just that priceless ~ although, it would be just as priceless if they drove to Ohio for the same experience!!!! I am so thankful how the Lord speaks to us, right where we are. I love that I don't have to clean up before I come to Him. I love that I don't have to make myself look a little better before He sees me. I love that I don't have to candy-coat how I REALLY feel. I love that in spite of it all, He loves me JUST THE WAY I AM!! Did you hear that? He loves me just the way I am ~ and guess what? He loves YOU just the way you are!!! Isn't that incredible?! I love that! Being with all of those women and knowing that God was right there with me was amazing! He looked at my messy self and came and met me in my seat! I am ready to go out, after this halftime of life and finish the game...at least until halftime next September!!

I was on such a high by the time the weekend was over and it felt good. I was ready to come home and be the perfect wife, the mom who never yells and the woman that can do it all! I hate the idea of leaving my family in DE, but I was ready to leave and put into practice the things that I learned over the weekend. I never sleep when I am away from home, so I decided that if I got up in the middle of the night, I would just head home instead of laying in bed HOPING to fall back to sleep! I moved the van forward so that I could start loading up my bags. Now mind you, I traveled alone so I only had two bags!! I really didn't need to load them up ahead of time, but I went ahead and pulled the van forward so that it was in front of my sister's house. To my "surprise", I couldn't steer the van! Are you kidding me? Now? If you know the Counts family and the history of the "van", you really wouldn't be surprised that I was having car problems! My sister went out and had to see what I was talking about! By the time my brother-in-law made it home and took the van for a spin, there was nothing wrong!! Doesn't that always figure?! I didn't sleep the night before because I was even more anxious than I was when I made the trip to DE in the first place!! I woke up to a gloomy, rainy Sunday which I wasn't excited about in the least! I started off on my trek home literally praying mile by mile that I would make it home! I would set a goal and then pray that I would make it there. I kept praying that I would be safe, that I would know what to do if something happened to the steering and that I would get to that next spot and then I continued to do this over and over and over the entire way home! Each time being sure that I said a prayer of thanks when I actually made it to that next spot! I was having some problems on the turnpike, but all across 80 everything was good. I was starting to get more confident as the trip went on! I was 20 miles from home and the car started acting up again! I just had to laugh because wouldn't it just be like God to get me that far and then have me break down on the side of the road?! Needless to say, I made it home in once piece, but I don't know if our van will be able to make another trip like that anytime soon!!

I was leaving the W.O.F weekend a little discouraged, but God turned that around and reminded me to trust Him! He gave me what I needed at that time! I had a great lesson in faith and trust on the way home and I am praying that I will not soon forget that He is with me ~ wherever I am!!

Mom and June ~ thank you for a great weekend! Thank you for the relationship we have with each other! I love and miss you so much!

because HE lives

Cutting the grass, for me, is time that I enjoy! Jason and I usually cut the grass together...I ride the tractor while he does the trimming with the mower and the weed eater! I enjoy listening to my tunes while I'm doing this, but yesterday was different ~ I spent the hour talking to my Father. There are some things that are weighing very heavily on my heart and I spent the time in prayer lifting them to Heaven. I am always amazed that the best "chats" with God are in the most odd places and at the most odd times ~ I'm glad that I can go to Him wherever I am, whenever I want! As I was praying, the Lord brought this song to my head ~ Because He Lives! If any of you know me, this is the song I want sung at my funeral because it offers so much hope for the future. We don't always know what the future holds, but we do know Who holds the future! I needed this from my Father yesterday! When I needed to hear Him, this is what He told me ~ because He lives, I can face tomorrow. Because He lives, all fear is gone! WOW!! I get goosebumps just typing those words! It's not always easy to see that He is holding our future, but He's got it under control!

Thank you, Father, for speaking to me yesterday. I needed to hear your voice and through this song, I felt a peace that only came from You!

4th grade

I meant to write last week when Dylan started school, but the week went by so quick and became such a blur! I loved the carefree days of summer ~ I loved not having to follow a schedule! I went from those days, to getting up at 5:45am (which should be against the law, by the way!), getting myself showered and dressed, getting the kids up at 6:45am and then getting them on the bus by 7:40am!! It is insane!

My Dylan was not really looking forward to school this year. Last year, about 2 weeks before school started, he was ready to go back. This year, he didn't even talk about school and going back. I think a lot of that was because of the situation with Zachary and not knowing what was happening with him. His class list posted about a week before school started and when I asked him if he wanted to see whose class he was in, he wasn't interested (we did end up finding out through a friend and he was excited about his teacher!). He finally started getting excited at his open house! Now, for those of you have been to open house, it is pure craziness and I can't get OUT soon enough!!! Anyway, once he was in his classroom and seeing his friends and teachers, he was ready to start the 4th grade!! He never went to sleep until after 2 in the morning!!!

What is really scary is I remember when I was in 4th grade! I had Mrs. Lawson and that was the year that I forged a note to the teacher ~ yep, I wasn't always the good girl!!! I didn't do my homework, so I had a friend write a letter saying that I was at my grandmother's house and didn't have a "chance" to get it done. The funny thing was that when my friend signed my grandmother's name, she spelled it wrong! I brought it to her attention, she crossed it off and wrote the correct spelling right above it...in another color!! The best part about the whole thing was I was dumb enough to turn it in! I don't remember what my punishment was, but I do remember that my mom got called to the school about it! Isn't it funny what you will try and get away with? Well, now that I have kids, it isn't really funny because I will reap what I sowed!!

I love to see how Dylan is growing. Just to look at him he is getting so tall and grown up looking. He had to get glasses this year, so that makes him look that much older! I look at him and I don't see a little boy anymore and it makes me sad. I remember taking him to Kindergarten and how I cried when I dropped him off and he was only half day! First day of school, I have always taken him out to breakfast, dropped him off at school and then picked him up at the end of the day. This year when I dropped him off, I got a little teary eyed. I watched him get out of the van and walk into the school like a pro, but I wondered what was going on inside of him ~ was he nervous? Would he be embarrassed if I wrote him notes and put them in his lunch bag? Would he mind if I came and sat with him while he had lunch? When he got home we talked about some of those things and I am happy to say that I AM allowed to still write notes in his lunch AND I am allowed to come and eat with him!

I love how sweet and caring he is. I love that he was excited that his brother would be going to the same school as him. I love that he still comes up and wraps his little arms around me. I love that I gave him "kissing hands" and he put his hand up to his cheek today when he was having a hard time. I love that he will still reach up and put his hand in mine when we are walking . I love that he IS still a little boy, even though he is growing up quickly. I love that he is so much like me. I love that he is so much like his Daddy. I love him and am so proud of him!

cutting the cord

Today was Zachary's first day of Kindergarten and while he was excited and a little nervous, this mama's heart was breaking! The thing that I hate the most about this...is that I have many more moments like this in the years to come!

In the beginning of the summer I had posted that we weren't sure where Zachary would be attending school. We pretty much decided that if he didn't get into Montgomery, we were going to home school him because we didn't like our other options. The idea of keeping him home for school was rather appealing to me, but at the same time, I wanted what was best for him!! When we told him that he was going to be going to school with Dylan, his eyes filled up with tears and he was just beside himself! In that moment, the Lord made it very clear that this was His plan and I was thanking Him for working it all out! I hate waiting ~ when I have a plan, I want to get it into motion and this was totally out of my hands!! I don't know that I want to play this "game" again next year so we are asking that the Lord start working on it right now!!!

We got home from his open house last night and my heart was breaking. My Zachary was so excited to start school and spread his wings and I just wanted to curl up and cry ~ and that is just what I did!! I have been strong and been encouraging and made this new experience sound great, but I was falling apart!! My heart was aching for what was to come. He was up so early this morning and all ready to go to school by 7 ~ we ate breakfast, we took pictures and we had some down time for me to answer any questions that he might have...he was so brave! I gave him "kissing hands" (if you don't know what this is, it is in a book called The Kissing Hand), drew 2 little red hearts on his pointer fingers and we were off to school. When we pulled up, he decided that he didn't want to get out of the car, but Dylan so sweet and loving, helped him out of the car and I watched 2 pieces of my heart walk into that building and my heart hurt. I cried all the way home and then some! Peanut went with us in the car and I was to take care of him all day ~ what Zachary didn't know was that Peanut dried Mama's tears throughout the day!

I am excited for this new chapter in Zachary's life! I have been praying that the Lord will use his little life for good; that he will grow into a Godly, young man and honor our Father! I know that God has big plans for him and I am giving his life over...as much as it hurts my heart, I realize that he is only mine to borrow ~ Zachary belongs to Jesus! Those boys are my pride and joy and I am excited to see how they are both growing. Thank you, Jesus, for letting me have them for a time.

the day summer ended

Wow! The whole summer has gone by and I am just getting around to posting a new entry! We have had a busy summer this year ~ and when I say busy, I mean lots of swimming, staying up late watching movies, games, beach days, etc! We have enjoyed the company of each other, but I swear my kids have a sensor that they flip the week to 2 weeks before school starts that makes me ready to see the summer end! They start to get on each others nerves, they start to get on my nerves and I believe they even start to get on their own nerves!!! As much as I hate to see the summer end, I know that they are getting anxious for this new school year to begin. As I sit here typing out this blog, we still don't know what is going to happen with Zachary and his schooling. It is a possibility that I will be homeschooling him for his Kindergarten year. We have put it all in the hands of our Father and know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that what is best for Zachary and our family is going to be the outcome. I slept last night wrapped up in blankets of peace and it felt good!!

I sat the other day thinking about this summer and I could do nothing but smile! We started off the summer making a list of all of the things we wanted to do. The list included a pillow fight, catch lightning bugs, swim, stay in a hotel, the beach, Lake Erie, a boat ride and more. I wanted them to list the things they wanted to do and then we spent the summer working on crossing those things off one by one! We still have a few things that are unchecked, but we accomplished many of those things and we enjoyed every minute doing so! I am going to miss the carefree days we shared during the summer, but I am also looking forward to a routine! I am so thankful for the family that I have been blessed with...those in this house and those that live in other states!

Our Summer in a Nutshell...

father's day

This time of the year is always a little sad ~ thinking back 25 years ago, to the day that I lost my Daddy; the day that Heaven gained an angel! There are times that the pain of that day is at the surface of my heart and then there are times that it is a distant memory. Time has healed the hurt and pain of that loss, but lately I have been missing him and wishing he was here; wishing that he was a part of our lives. June 23, 1985 changed my life forever; that was the day that my innocence as a little girl was lost. I began to see the world for what it really was. I began to fear things that most little girls never even think about. I had seen the worst of the worst on that day and my life changed.

I still can't believe that they never caught the guy that took my Daddy away from me and I look at that in two different ways. First, I'm mad about it! Mad that, on this earth, he may never have to pay for what he did. I know that God is the ultimate judge, but when you are a victim of a violent crime, you want justice served and I have to deal with the fact that I may never see that happen. Then, second, I'm glad that they haven't caught the guy that took my Daddy away from me. I have seen the way our justice system works and I'm not so sure that I would want to see this man get caught and then serve a few years and be done with it. It's crazy how back and forth my thinking is on this.

I remember when I turned 33 ~ so many emotions went with that. I actually felt guilty for being alive! My dad's life ended at 32 and here I was, his little girl, already living longer than what he should have! I struggled for many weeks with this and yet, couldn't believe that I was struggling with it! When Jason and I first got married, all I could think about was something happening to him. Satan was always trying to get the best of me and I believe that there were times that he did. I feared loosing a piece of me, like my mom had lost a piece of her. I would think about how strong she was and how she faced life head on even though her heart was broken. I found a new admiration for her after I was married. Excuse me while I talk to my Mom for a minute ~ "Mom, I hope that you always know how much I look up to you. Not only for the mom that you have been, but the woman that you are. I know that you don't feel so strong at times, but I have seen you face life with a determination and a fight ~ let God fight the fight when you are weak! Thank you for always being an example to me. Thank you for always taking the time to make a memory. Thank you for loving me unconditionally! I love you more than words can express!"

I mentioned how my life changed as a little girl ~ but let me tell you how I was blessed because of this "change". My Daddy may not have been there to see me grow up; to see me graduate, to see me go to college, to see me get married, to see my boys and be a grandfather...all of the major events in my life, but I did have a Dad to be a part of all those things! My Step-in-Dad (as he calls himself) came into the picture in 1988! Now granted, nobody, except my mom, was really thrilled about this idea! We gave "Bob" a run for his money those first few years!! We had so much to learn about each other and so much to learn about how this new "family" thing was going to work. It wasn't always the best, but how I love this man I am proud to call my Dad! We have grown so much over the years. I went from calling him "Bob" to proudly calling him "Dad" and then wondering why I didn't call him that sooner. I am so thankful that the Lord brought him into our lives. He never wanted to take the place of my Daddy, and he said that over and over again, but what he did do, was fill a void in such a loving way. Talkin to my Dad now ~ "Dad, where do I even begin to tell you how much I love you? To think about where we were when you first came into my life and where we are now! My eyes are overflowing with tears as I think about the love that you consistently showered on us, even when things were tough! How blessed I am that you are my Dad! Thank you for never giving up on me. Thank you for loving me unconditionally. Thank you for being you! I love you so very much and I am proud to call you my Dad! If I could write you a poem of my own, I would, but that's your gift. I did find one that I liked and wanted to share with you.

"What Makes a Dad"
Author Unknown

God took the strength of a mountain,
The majesty of a tree,
The warmth of a summer sun,
The calm of a quiet sea,
The generous soul of nature,
The comforting arm of night,
The wisdom of the ages,
The power of the eagle's flight,
The joy of a morning in spring,
The faith of a mustard seed,
The patience of eternity,
The depth of a family need,
Then God combined these qualities,
When there was nothing more to add,
He knew His masterpiece was complete,
And so, He called it ... Dad

Happy Father's Day! I love you very much!

So, you see ~ I may have lost something precious in my life, but I gained something wonderful!




We should really think about getting a more recent picture together, don't ya think?!