father's day

This time of the year is always a little sad ~ thinking back 25 years ago, to the day that I lost my Daddy; the day that Heaven gained an angel! There are times that the pain of that day is at the surface of my heart and then there are times that it is a distant memory. Time has healed the hurt and pain of that loss, but lately I have been missing him and wishing he was here; wishing that he was a part of our lives. June 23, 1985 changed my life forever; that was the day that my innocence as a little girl was lost. I began to see the world for what it really was. I began to fear things that most little girls never even think about. I had seen the worst of the worst on that day and my life changed.

I still can't believe that they never caught the guy that took my Daddy away from me and I look at that in two different ways. First, I'm mad about it! Mad that, on this earth, he may never have to pay for what he did. I know that God is the ultimate judge, but when you are a victim of a violent crime, you want justice served and I have to deal with the fact that I may never see that happen. Then, second, I'm glad that they haven't caught the guy that took my Daddy away from me. I have seen the way our justice system works and I'm not so sure that I would want to see this man get caught and then serve a few years and be done with it. It's crazy how back and forth my thinking is on this.

I remember when I turned 33 ~ so many emotions went with that. I actually felt guilty for being alive! My dad's life ended at 32 and here I was, his little girl, already living longer than what he should have! I struggled for many weeks with this and yet, couldn't believe that I was struggling with it! When Jason and I first got married, all I could think about was something happening to him. Satan was always trying to get the best of me and I believe that there were times that he did. I feared loosing a piece of me, like my mom had lost a piece of her. I would think about how strong she was and how she faced life head on even though her heart was broken. I found a new admiration for her after I was married. Excuse me while I talk to my Mom for a minute ~ "Mom, I hope that you always know how much I look up to you. Not only for the mom that you have been, but the woman that you are. I know that you don't feel so strong at times, but I have seen you face life with a determination and a fight ~ let God fight the fight when you are weak! Thank you for always being an example to me. Thank you for always taking the time to make a memory. Thank you for loving me unconditionally! I love you more than words can express!"

I mentioned how my life changed as a little girl ~ but let me tell you how I was blessed because of this "change". My Daddy may not have been there to see me grow up; to see me graduate, to see me go to college, to see me get married, to see my boys and be a grandfather...all of the major events in my life, but I did have a Dad to be a part of all those things! My Step-in-Dad (as he calls himself) came into the picture in 1988! Now granted, nobody, except my mom, was really thrilled about this idea! We gave "Bob" a run for his money those first few years!! We had so much to learn about each other and so much to learn about how this new "family" thing was going to work. It wasn't always the best, but how I love this man I am proud to call my Dad! We have grown so much over the years. I went from calling him "Bob" to proudly calling him "Dad" and then wondering why I didn't call him that sooner. I am so thankful that the Lord brought him into our lives. He never wanted to take the place of my Daddy, and he said that over and over again, but what he did do, was fill a void in such a loving way. Talkin to my Dad now ~ "Dad, where do I even begin to tell you how much I love you? To think about where we were when you first came into my life and where we are now! My eyes are overflowing with tears as I think about the love that you consistently showered on us, even when things were tough! How blessed I am that you are my Dad! Thank you for never giving up on me. Thank you for loving me unconditionally. Thank you for being you! I love you so very much and I am proud to call you my Dad! If I could write you a poem of my own, I would, but that's your gift. I did find one that I liked and wanted to share with you.

"What Makes a Dad"
Author Unknown

God took the strength of a mountain,
The majesty of a tree,
The warmth of a summer sun,
The calm of a quiet sea,
The generous soul of nature,
The comforting arm of night,
The wisdom of the ages,
The power of the eagle's flight,
The joy of a morning in spring,
The faith of a mustard seed,
The patience of eternity,
The depth of a family need,
Then God combined these qualities,
When there was nothing more to add,
He knew His masterpiece was complete,
And so, He called it ... Dad

Happy Father's Day! I love you very much!

So, you see ~ I may have lost something precious in my life, but I gained something wonderful!




We should really think about getting a more recent picture together, don't ya think?!