father's day

This time of the year is always a little sad ~ thinking back 25 years ago, to the day that I lost my Daddy; the day that Heaven gained an angel! There are times that the pain of that day is at the surface of my heart and then there are times that it is a distant memory. Time has healed the hurt and pain of that loss, but lately I have been missing him and wishing he was here; wishing that he was a part of our lives. June 23, 1985 changed my life forever; that was the day that my innocence as a little girl was lost. I began to see the world for what it really was. I began to fear things that most little girls never even think about. I had seen the worst of the worst on that day and my life changed.

I still can't believe that they never caught the guy that took my Daddy away from me and I look at that in two different ways. First, I'm mad about it! Mad that, on this earth, he may never have to pay for what he did. I know that God is the ultimate judge, but when you are a victim of a violent crime, you want justice served and I have to deal with the fact that I may never see that happen. Then, second, I'm glad that they haven't caught the guy that took my Daddy away from me. I have seen the way our justice system works and I'm not so sure that I would want to see this man get caught and then serve a few years and be done with it. It's crazy how back and forth my thinking is on this.

I remember when I turned 33 ~ so many emotions went with that. I actually felt guilty for being alive! My dad's life ended at 32 and here I was, his little girl, already living longer than what he should have! I struggled for many weeks with this and yet, couldn't believe that I was struggling with it! When Jason and I first got married, all I could think about was something happening to him. Satan was always trying to get the best of me and I believe that there were times that he did. I feared loosing a piece of me, like my mom had lost a piece of her. I would think about how strong she was and how she faced life head on even though her heart was broken. I found a new admiration for her after I was married. Excuse me while I talk to my Mom for a minute ~ "Mom, I hope that you always know how much I look up to you. Not only for the mom that you have been, but the woman that you are. I know that you don't feel so strong at times, but I have seen you face life with a determination and a fight ~ let God fight the fight when you are weak! Thank you for always being an example to me. Thank you for always taking the time to make a memory. Thank you for loving me unconditionally! I love you more than words can express!"

I mentioned how my life changed as a little girl ~ but let me tell you how I was blessed because of this "change". My Daddy may not have been there to see me grow up; to see me graduate, to see me go to college, to see me get married, to see my boys and be a grandfather...all of the major events in my life, but I did have a Dad to be a part of all those things! My Step-in-Dad (as he calls himself) came into the picture in 1988! Now granted, nobody, except my mom, was really thrilled about this idea! We gave "Bob" a run for his money those first few years!! We had so much to learn about each other and so much to learn about how this new "family" thing was going to work. It wasn't always the best, but how I love this man I am proud to call my Dad! We have grown so much over the years. I went from calling him "Bob" to proudly calling him "Dad" and then wondering why I didn't call him that sooner. I am so thankful that the Lord brought him into our lives. He never wanted to take the place of my Daddy, and he said that over and over again, but what he did do, was fill a void in such a loving way. Talkin to my Dad now ~ "Dad, where do I even begin to tell you how much I love you? To think about where we were when you first came into my life and where we are now! My eyes are overflowing with tears as I think about the love that you consistently showered on us, even when things were tough! How blessed I am that you are my Dad! Thank you for never giving up on me. Thank you for loving me unconditionally. Thank you for being you! I love you so very much and I am proud to call you my Dad! If I could write you a poem of my own, I would, but that's your gift. I did find one that I liked and wanted to share with you.

"What Makes a Dad"
Author Unknown

God took the strength of a mountain,
The majesty of a tree,
The warmth of a summer sun,
The calm of a quiet sea,
The generous soul of nature,
The comforting arm of night,
The wisdom of the ages,
The power of the eagle's flight,
The joy of a morning in spring,
The faith of a mustard seed,
The patience of eternity,
The depth of a family need,
Then God combined these qualities,
When there was nothing more to add,
He knew His masterpiece was complete,
And so, He called it ... Dad

Happy Father's Day! I love you very much!

So, you see ~ I may have lost something precious in my life, but I gained something wonderful!




We should really think about getting a more recent picture together, don't ya think?!

crazy days of summer

I can't believe that it has been 2 weeks since I have had anything to say ~ we have been crazy busy, but it looks like things are beginning to settle down!! I love sleeping in, I love not ever knowing what time it is, I love being able to eat dinner whenever we want (we are early dinner eaters during the school year because Zachary still goes to bed at 7!), I love picking up and going to the spray park at 5 o'clock if we want to...I love the carefree days of summer! I'm not real crazy about being hot, but I'll live with it! We made a list of all the things we want to do during the summer: catch lightning bugs, pillowfight, game night, stay up till 11(the kids of course :), have a movie night out in the clubhouse, etc. I can't wait till we are able to check each of these things off. Each check mark is a memory and I want this summer to be full of togetherness and memories! I'm looking forward to it!

The family went and picked strawberries twice ~ I think we ended up picking about 24 pounds!! I made tons of strawberry jam for the first time and I must say, it was quite good ~ 1 jar of it is already gone! It was very time consuming, but so much fun and so worth it! To have the boys say, "I want your jam, Mama" ~ I love it! And, to be able to make it for my hubby was awesome, since it is his favorite! Now we are waiting on the cucumbers and tomatoes for the next project! We have spent many days at the spray park already! Zachary gets his cast off on Tuesday, so we are waiting until then to hit the pool! The doc said he could get his cast wet, but once it dries he can't get it wet again! Zachary is one of those kids that swims for about 20 minutes and then sits wrapped up under a towel for 3 hours! That would never work with the little cast! We have our summer all planned out! Crafts, reading, concerts at the bandshell, community activites, pool, vacation, etc. I like having all these things planned and not having to do ANY of them if we don't want too!! I like having the options with no obligations to be at any of them if it doesn't work out! Living in the moment this summer!

We did get some bad news, which I am trying to forget about till August or so! We have had problems with the school district that we live in...no one can really tell us which district we live in! To make a REALLY long story short: Dylan's school district is different than Zachary's ~ go figure! We opened enrolled Zachary at Dylan's school and another local school and found out that both were denied. The district that Zachary is in is HORRIBLE and we refuse to send him to that school. Then, the same day I got the letter about Zachary, I found out that Dylan may be shipped off to another school too! His class is so big that each year they have had to add a teacher to accomodate the size of his class...this year they decided to just ship the kids to other schools! We are afraid that Dylan will end up being sent somewhere we don't want him at and we will have no control over it by then! Needless to say, Dylan was heartbroken that Zachary won't be in the same school as him for his first year (and we have yet to let Zachary in on that bad news). Needless to say, we talked to Dylan and he is willing to go to a different school just so he can be with Zachary as long as he has the option of going back to his school at another time! We have open enrolled them at a school outside of Ashland and now it is in the Lord's hands ~ we won't know anything until August 19th and school starts on the 25th!! A little stressed but I am determined that I am leaving it in the Lord's hands and I'm not going to worry all summer about it. I am going to enjoy my kids and my husband and the extra time we all have to spend together. Carpe Diem ~ I am siezing the day!!

I guess, on that note, I will close this entry!

childlike faith

I am rejoicing with the angels and my Father in Heaven!!!!! Our Zachary asked Jesus to come into his heart tonight!! Jesus made it so simple that my precious, 5 year old was able to understand that all he had to do was ask!!! It amazes me that the older we get, the more we try to analize everything. Jesus said that all we had to do was confess with our mouth and believe in our heart and we would be saved.

We were talking about Heaven tonight and Zachary said he wanted to go there. Dylan was telling him that he had to be saved. Zachary, being only 5, didn't really know what that meant, but he knew that he wanted to live with Jesus because he "likes Him and loves Him". He told me that He knew that Jesus loved him even more than he loves Jesus. Zachary has been talking about asking Jesus to come into his heart for quite some time now. As parents, it's hard because we never wanted to push him into this decision, but we also never wanted to discourage him from making the biggest decision of his life! I told him that when he was ready, to let Mama and/or Daddy know and we would pray with him. He looked me in the eye and said, and I quote, "I'm ready now, Mama!" Such determination in that little face and those eyes that I quickly decided to place it in the LORD'S hands!!! I told him what he needed to say and he said, "I know" and with that, he started praying and as he was, he was crying! I believe that he knew what he was doing!!! It was as simple as telling Jesus that he wanted to Him to live in his heart for the rest of his life and to take him to Heaven when he dies and then he said, "I love you, Jesus!" ~ and with that, Mama began to cry!!

Oh, my cup runneth over ~ thank you, Father, for your forgiveness and for your faithfulness. You showed me tonight that these things aren't in my timing but Yours! I put these precious boys in your hands and pray that both Dylan and Zachary live their lives to honor and glorify you in all they do. I pray that I am an example that they can follow. Forgive me for the times that my life wasn't Your mirror and thank you for second chances!

My heart is full!!

any answers?

Can you cry under water?

Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'... but it's only a 'penny for your thoughts'? Where's that extra penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change?
They're going to see you naked anyway...

Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
They're both dogs!

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Why, Why, Why
do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?

If people evolved from apes,
why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses
are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right?' Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That really hurt, why don't you watch where you're going?'

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my FAVORITE.........
The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons are suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.

(A friend sent this to me and I enjoyed reading it ~ hope you did too :)

bittersweet

Today, the Counts said good bye to preschool. Preschool is a thing of the past ~ we are now on to bigger and better!

When we said our prayers last night, Zachary told me that he was nervous about his graduation! We prayed that he wouldn't be nervous and that he would enjoy his day! I made sure that we were in the gym bright and early so that this Mama could be in the front row taking everything in! I watched my Zachary walk in with his class, playing with his shirt because he was nervous! (He wasn't happy about wearing the purple cap, either!) My camera was acting up at this point, so I don't have any pictures of him walking in. The three classes sang their songs, yelled out and made the parents giggle in their seats! I sat there, as proud as could be, watching my little boy...do NONE of the above!! He stood there just looking at me with a blank stare on his face!! I couldn't help but let my mind wander back to when Dylan was in preschool ~ he was probably the loudest one! Those boys are so different but I love them for who they are and for who they are becoming!

My camera was giving me a hard time, so it wasn't until Zachary got his certificate, that I got any pictures of him. I spent much of the time playing around with the settings on my camera and taking pictures of kids I didn't even know!! The lady next to me was beginning to get a little nervous, I think! The moment came when they called "Zachary Counts" and he walked up to his teachers, got his certificate, stopped to pose for a picture and walked off the platform ~ off the platform to a new phase in his life...Kindergarten! Zachary went to preschool 2 days a week for only 2 1/2 hours...he will be going to Kindergarten ALL day and I'm not happy about this folks! It bothers me that I had a choice, with Dylan, whether or not I wanted him in all day or half day Kindergarten and I don't have that choice with Zachary.

This was a bittersweet day for Mama, but I am not going to spend the next few months dreading the fall but rather enjoying the time with my kids! I am going to choose to step over the laundry (not every time, of course) and play a game with the kids or throw water balloons or do something to make a memory! I am going to stop and take in the smiles and the laughter and the joy that those boys bring to my heart!

my new favorite flower

When Jason and I were buying the plants for our garden, I came across this plant and fell in love with it! It has to be the most beautiful flower I have ever seen ~ it is a fushia plant. The flower starts as a fushia ball and then when it opens, it has this beautiful, deep purple flower inside! It is just gorgeous and I had to share my new favorite thing!!