f~a~l~l

I love fall ~ need I say more?!

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W.O.F

Women of Faith ~ where do I even begin to share what an experience this is? I had never been to a W.O.F conference and last year I packed up and drove to Philly to see what it was about! I thought I was crazy to be doing this since they usually make it to Cleveland, Ohio the weekend after Philly...yes, only 1 hour away!!!! My mom had attended for a few years and then my sister started going and it wasn't long before they were both on me about going! You only have to attend once to know that this is a life-changing experience!

I really struggled with leaving this time. I was feeling guilty for leaving the kids only a few weeks into school, I was feeling bad that Jason had to take the time off from work to be with them the whole weekend, the cost of making the trip and I was just sad all the way around...not to mention extremely nervous about making that drive, by myself, in our very UNreliable van!! I know that Satan was doing everything he could to discourage me before I even got to W.O.F ~ he's like that ya know! I got the kids ready to go on Thursday and I got in the van ready to head out. Had to be strong for the kids, but I got in the van and cried! Cried about leaving my boys, cried because of nerves and the trip and cried because of the guilt I was feeling! I was so excited to be going and having this experience with my mom and sister again, but just feeling guilty!! Anyway...I made it to my sister's house with nothing exciting to speak of!!

The weekend was just as I expected ~ full of highs and lows, laughing and crying and just a roller coaster of emotions! As difficult as it is for me to orchestrate this whole trip, I absolutely LOVE sharing this experience with my mom and my sister! I am willing to make the sacrifice because it is just that priceless ~ although, it would be just as priceless if they drove to Ohio for the same experience!!!! I am so thankful how the Lord speaks to us, right where we are. I love that I don't have to clean up before I come to Him. I love that I don't have to make myself look a little better before He sees me. I love that I don't have to candy-coat how I REALLY feel. I love that in spite of it all, He loves me JUST THE WAY I AM!! Did you hear that? He loves me just the way I am ~ and guess what? He loves YOU just the way you are!!! Isn't that incredible?! I love that! Being with all of those women and knowing that God was right there with me was amazing! He looked at my messy self and came and met me in my seat! I am ready to go out, after this halftime of life and finish the game...at least until halftime next September!!

I was on such a high by the time the weekend was over and it felt good. I was ready to come home and be the perfect wife, the mom who never yells and the woman that can do it all! I hate the idea of leaving my family in DE, but I was ready to leave and put into practice the things that I learned over the weekend. I never sleep when I am away from home, so I decided that if I got up in the middle of the night, I would just head home instead of laying in bed HOPING to fall back to sleep! I moved the van forward so that I could start loading up my bags. Now mind you, I traveled alone so I only had two bags!! I really didn't need to load them up ahead of time, but I went ahead and pulled the van forward so that it was in front of my sister's house. To my "surprise", I couldn't steer the van! Are you kidding me? Now? If you know the Counts family and the history of the "van", you really wouldn't be surprised that I was having car problems! My sister went out and had to see what I was talking about! By the time my brother-in-law made it home and took the van for a spin, there was nothing wrong!! Doesn't that always figure?! I didn't sleep the night before because I was even more anxious than I was when I made the trip to DE in the first place!! I woke up to a gloomy, rainy Sunday which I wasn't excited about in the least! I started off on my trek home literally praying mile by mile that I would make it home! I would set a goal and then pray that I would make it there. I kept praying that I would be safe, that I would know what to do if something happened to the steering and that I would get to that next spot and then I continued to do this over and over and over the entire way home! Each time being sure that I said a prayer of thanks when I actually made it to that next spot! I was having some problems on the turnpike, but all across 80 everything was good. I was starting to get more confident as the trip went on! I was 20 miles from home and the car started acting up again! I just had to laugh because wouldn't it just be like God to get me that far and then have me break down on the side of the road?! Needless to say, I made it home in once piece, but I don't know if our van will be able to make another trip like that anytime soon!!

I was leaving the W.O.F weekend a little discouraged, but God turned that around and reminded me to trust Him! He gave me what I needed at that time! I had a great lesson in faith and trust on the way home and I am praying that I will not soon forget that He is with me ~ wherever I am!!

Mom and June ~ thank you for a great weekend! Thank you for the relationship we have with each other! I love and miss you so much!

because HE lives

Cutting the grass, for me, is time that I enjoy! Jason and I usually cut the grass together...I ride the tractor while he does the trimming with the mower and the weed eater! I enjoy listening to my tunes while I'm doing this, but yesterday was different ~ I spent the hour talking to my Father. There are some things that are weighing very heavily on my heart and I spent the time in prayer lifting them to Heaven. I am always amazed that the best "chats" with God are in the most odd places and at the most odd times ~ I'm glad that I can go to Him wherever I am, whenever I want! As I was praying, the Lord brought this song to my head ~ Because He Lives! If any of you know me, this is the song I want sung at my funeral because it offers so much hope for the future. We don't always know what the future holds, but we do know Who holds the future! I needed this from my Father yesterday! When I needed to hear Him, this is what He told me ~ because He lives, I can face tomorrow. Because He lives, all fear is gone! WOW!! I get goosebumps just typing those words! It's not always easy to see that He is holding our future, but He's got it under control!

Thank you, Father, for speaking to me yesterday. I needed to hear your voice and through this song, I felt a peace that only came from You!

4th grade

I meant to write last week when Dylan started school, but the week went by so quick and became such a blur! I loved the carefree days of summer ~ I loved not having to follow a schedule! I went from those days, to getting up at 5:45am (which should be against the law, by the way!), getting myself showered and dressed, getting the kids up at 6:45am and then getting them on the bus by 7:40am!! It is insane!

My Dylan was not really looking forward to school this year. Last year, about 2 weeks before school started, he was ready to go back. This year, he didn't even talk about school and going back. I think a lot of that was because of the situation with Zachary and not knowing what was happening with him. His class list posted about a week before school started and when I asked him if he wanted to see whose class he was in, he wasn't interested (we did end up finding out through a friend and he was excited about his teacher!). He finally started getting excited at his open house! Now, for those of you have been to open house, it is pure craziness and I can't get OUT soon enough!!! Anyway, once he was in his classroom and seeing his friends and teachers, he was ready to start the 4th grade!! He never went to sleep until after 2 in the morning!!!

What is really scary is I remember when I was in 4th grade! I had Mrs. Lawson and that was the year that I forged a note to the teacher ~ yep, I wasn't always the good girl!!! I didn't do my homework, so I had a friend write a letter saying that I was at my grandmother's house and didn't have a "chance" to get it done. The funny thing was that when my friend signed my grandmother's name, she spelled it wrong! I brought it to her attention, she crossed it off and wrote the correct spelling right above it...in another color!! The best part about the whole thing was I was dumb enough to turn it in! I don't remember what my punishment was, but I do remember that my mom got called to the school about it! Isn't it funny what you will try and get away with? Well, now that I have kids, it isn't really funny because I will reap what I sowed!!

I love to see how Dylan is growing. Just to look at him he is getting so tall and grown up looking. He had to get glasses this year, so that makes him look that much older! I look at him and I don't see a little boy anymore and it makes me sad. I remember taking him to Kindergarten and how I cried when I dropped him off and he was only half day! First day of school, I have always taken him out to breakfast, dropped him off at school and then picked him up at the end of the day. This year when I dropped him off, I got a little teary eyed. I watched him get out of the van and walk into the school like a pro, but I wondered what was going on inside of him ~ was he nervous? Would he be embarrassed if I wrote him notes and put them in his lunch bag? Would he mind if I came and sat with him while he had lunch? When he got home we talked about some of those things and I am happy to say that I AM allowed to still write notes in his lunch AND I am allowed to come and eat with him!

I love how sweet and caring he is. I love that he was excited that his brother would be going to the same school as him. I love that he still comes up and wraps his little arms around me. I love that I gave him "kissing hands" and he put his hand up to his cheek today when he was having a hard time. I love that he will still reach up and put his hand in mine when we are walking . I love that he IS still a little boy, even though he is growing up quickly. I love that he is so much like me. I love that he is so much like his Daddy. I love him and am so proud of him!

cutting the cord

Today was Zachary's first day of Kindergarten and while he was excited and a little nervous, this mama's heart was breaking! The thing that I hate the most about this...is that I have many more moments like this in the years to come!

In the beginning of the summer I had posted that we weren't sure where Zachary would be attending school. We pretty much decided that if he didn't get into Montgomery, we were going to home school him because we didn't like our other options. The idea of keeping him home for school was rather appealing to me, but at the same time, I wanted what was best for him!! When we told him that he was going to be going to school with Dylan, his eyes filled up with tears and he was just beside himself! In that moment, the Lord made it very clear that this was His plan and I was thanking Him for working it all out! I hate waiting ~ when I have a plan, I want to get it into motion and this was totally out of my hands!! I don't know that I want to play this "game" again next year so we are asking that the Lord start working on it right now!!!

We got home from his open house last night and my heart was breaking. My Zachary was so excited to start school and spread his wings and I just wanted to curl up and cry ~ and that is just what I did!! I have been strong and been encouraging and made this new experience sound great, but I was falling apart!! My heart was aching for what was to come. He was up so early this morning and all ready to go to school by 7 ~ we ate breakfast, we took pictures and we had some down time for me to answer any questions that he might have...he was so brave! I gave him "kissing hands" (if you don't know what this is, it is in a book called The Kissing Hand), drew 2 little red hearts on his pointer fingers and we were off to school. When we pulled up, he decided that he didn't want to get out of the car, but Dylan so sweet and loving, helped him out of the car and I watched 2 pieces of my heart walk into that building and my heart hurt. I cried all the way home and then some! Peanut went with us in the car and I was to take care of him all day ~ what Zachary didn't know was that Peanut dried Mama's tears throughout the day!

I am excited for this new chapter in Zachary's life! I have been praying that the Lord will use his little life for good; that he will grow into a Godly, young man and honor our Father! I know that God has big plans for him and I am giving his life over...as much as it hurts my heart, I realize that he is only mine to borrow ~ Zachary belongs to Jesus! Those boys are my pride and joy and I am excited to see how they are both growing. Thank you, Jesus, for letting me have them for a time.

the day summer ended

Wow! The whole summer has gone by and I am just getting around to posting a new entry! We have had a busy summer this year ~ and when I say busy, I mean lots of swimming, staying up late watching movies, games, beach days, etc! We have enjoyed the company of each other, but I swear my kids have a sensor that they flip the week to 2 weeks before school starts that makes me ready to see the summer end! They start to get on each others nerves, they start to get on my nerves and I believe they even start to get on their own nerves!!! As much as I hate to see the summer end, I know that they are getting anxious for this new school year to begin. As I sit here typing out this blog, we still don't know what is going to happen with Zachary and his schooling. It is a possibility that I will be homeschooling him for his Kindergarten year. We have put it all in the hands of our Father and know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that what is best for Zachary and our family is going to be the outcome. I slept last night wrapped up in blankets of peace and it felt good!!

I sat the other day thinking about this summer and I could do nothing but smile! We started off the summer making a list of all of the things we wanted to do. The list included a pillow fight, catch lightning bugs, swim, stay in a hotel, the beach, Lake Erie, a boat ride and more. I wanted them to list the things they wanted to do and then we spent the summer working on crossing those things off one by one! We still have a few things that are unchecked, but we accomplished many of those things and we enjoyed every minute doing so! I am going to miss the carefree days we shared during the summer, but I am also looking forward to a routine! I am so thankful for the family that I have been blessed with...those in this house and those that live in other states!

Our Summer in a Nutshell...