how great is our god

3 1/2 years ago, I sat in a chair listening to "How Great is Our God" being sung and I couldn't help but question that very thing. I sat there looking at my brother's casket, wondering how a God that loves us so much, would allow such grief to come to our family...again.

I was an 11 year old, little girl when my daddy was murdered and taken from me. I remember when my daddy was killed and the loss that I felt. I remember being so sad. I remember the questions that were never answered. I remember being scared, scared of everything. Scared that if my mom ever left my side, she may not come back either. Scared of the dark. Scared of people. Just scared. But, I did have my mom and I leaned on her strength. She was strong. She held our family together. She reminded us that God still loved us and was going to take care of us.

And then, here we were again, sitting in the midst of grief, saying goodbye to my precious, little brother. My little brother who had his whole life ahead of him and now he was gone. When Aaron died, I began to question God and His love. I felt abandoned by Him and was angry with Him. I was mad at Him for putting my parents through a grief that no parent should ever have to face. I was mad at Aaron for giving up on life. I went for quite a few months just being mad and I gave up on God. We didn't talk for months and then I finally realized that God was bigger than me. He could take my temper tantrum. He could take me pounding my fists at Him. I layed it all out for Him and that was when the healing began.

I knew that I would see my sweet brother again and I slowly began feeling a peace that only He is capable of delivering! My heart was still aching for me and for my kids for my other siblings and especially for my parents, but I knew that I was feeling His arms, ever so gently, wrapping themselves around me. God never promised days without pain or laughter without sorrow, but He did promise strength for the day and comfort for the tears. I opened my heart back up to Him, asked for His forgiveness and I saw Him for who He truly is!

For a long time, I struggled even hearing that song because it reminded me that my brother was no longer here and it took me back to the day of his funeral. I didn't sing it because I was angry and questioning how "great" He really was. Now, I get choked up because I truly see His Majesty and I am overwhelmed at His love for me! I am humbled! Today at church, while the congregation was singing, I was remembering a picture. The day of Aaron's funeral, I remember looking over at my mom, tears in her eyes and hands raised towards heaven, singing those very words...the picture of strength. I saw God holding her up that day and even when I thought God was so far away, there He was, supporting and loving us all the whole time! By the grace of God, I sang a few lines from that song today and I felt His love just wash over me! Thank you, Father, for Your love and comfort and blessings each day!


"How Great Is Our God"

The splendor of a King, clothed in majesty
Let all the earth rejoice
All the earth rejoice

He wraps himself in Light, and darkness tries to hide
And trembles at His voice
Trembles at His voice

How great is our God, sing with me
How great is our God, and all will see
How great, how great is our God

Age to age He stands
And time is in His hands
Beginning and the end
Beginning and the end

The Godhead Three in One
Father Spirit Son
The Lion and the Lamb
The Lion and the Lamb

Name above all names
Worthy of our praise
My heart will sing
How great is our God

How great is our God, sing with me
How great is our God, and all will see
How great, how great is our God